The Role of Fathers in Tween Daughters’ Lives: Why This Moment Matters More Than You Think
As a father of a 13-year-old daughter, Juliette, I’ve experienced first-hand the delicate and transformative phase that comes just before puberty hits. This time is special—filled with curiosity, confusion, excitement, and inevitable changes. And while daughters often gravitate towards their mothers for guidance during these years (especially as their bodies begin to change), I’m convinced that we, as fathers, have an equally important role to play. In fact, this stage offers us a unique opportunity to cement our presence in our daughters’ lives in a way that influences their confidence, identity, and self-worth for years to come.
When we started Tweenology, it wasn’t just about providing plant-based age appropriate skincare and selfcare products for Juliette and others like her. It was about understanding the unique journey she and her peers were about to embark on, and how we—both fathers and mothers— can offer them with the best support and guidance they need to realize that they are exactly where they are meant to be, and that alone is worth celebrating!
The Crucial Pre-Puberty Stage: Why Fathers Shouldn't Step Aside
As dads, it can feel natural to take a back seat during discussions about periods, body changes, and emotions. After all, it’s easy to think, “Mom knows this better as she’s been through it.” But this is exactly the time when we need to step up, not step back. Puberty isn't just about physical changes—it’s about emotional development, self-esteem, identity formation, body image, self perception and relationships. Our daughters need us to be present in these conversations because we offer a unique, complementary perspective.
Juliette inspired this realization for me. In the months before puberty began, I could sense her curiosity and hesitations, and I knew this was a critical window. If I didn't get involved now, I risked being painted out of the picture later. It’s not just about “understanding periods”; it’s about understanding her. The way I respond now sets the tone for how she’ll come to me (or avoid me) in the years ahead.
Empathy, Understanding, and Active Involvement
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that empathy is key. Our daughters are processing changes they don’t fully understand. They’re navigating a new sense of self, and as fathers, we need to approach this stage with patience and understanding. Yes, their bodies are changing, but so are their emotions. And this is where we, as dads, can offer something invaluable: the steady, supportive presence that shows them they are loved, valued, and accepted for who they are. The ability to care for someone without having to be in their shoes, a beautiful lesson in itself!
But empathy alone isn’t enough. It’s also about getting involved - not as a passive observer, but as an active participant in these discussions. For me, the game-changer was the Oh Hello Flo Period Box. This small but powerful product became the key that unlocked a door between Juliette and me. The booklet served as a conversation starter. A level playing field. The contents that came with it addressed all the topics we, as parents, need to cover, in an age appropriate way. It’s informative, it’s educational, it’s special.
By reading it together, my wife and I both had a chance to share the experience with Juliette. Some moments were easier than others, but all vital. The box wasn’t just an educational tool and a conversation starter—it was an invitation for me to step into her world and be part of the conversation, not just a silent bystander. It’s priceless!
Fathers Have More Than a Supportive Role - We Have a Vital One
This experience taught me something important: Our daughters want us involved. It’s up to us to accept that invitation and show up, even when the conversations feel awkward or unfamiliar. By sitting down with Juliette and going through the materials together, I learned that we, as fathers, play a role that’s far more than just supportive. We help shape how our daughters see themselves, how they process emotions, and how they approach challenges. I also found it valuable for her to see i know what these ‘tools’ are, what they do, what they are meant for, and for her to rest assured that if ever she needs anything, i can help.
We don’t need to have all the answers—but we do need to be there. Our daughters need to know that their fathers care deeply about what they’re going through, that we’re not afraid to talk about periods or puberty, and that we’re a safe place to turn when they feel unsure. Our presence during these years helps them feel secure and confident in who they are becoming.
Remember that just because you don’t talk about it, does not mean it’s not being talked about. Choose to be part of what needs to be said.
Setting the Tone for Years to Come
The pre-puberty years are, in many ways, one of most critical phase of our daughters’ development. This is when they are forming their identity, grappling with self-worth, and figuring out where they fit in the world. As fathers, the relationship we establish during this time will either open doors to deeper connection or shut them. This is the phase where they start looking ‘outward’, for things they can’t find ‘inward’. BE THE INWARD.
For me, this realization hit hard. Puberty is just the beginning of a long and ongoing journey. And for many years, we will either be a part of this journey or remain at arm’s length, dismissed as “he wouldn’t understand.” But that’s a narrative we can change, right now. By being present, empathetic, and actively involved, we show our daughters that we do understand—or at least, we’re willing to listen, learn, and walk through it with them.
Our Daughters Deserve Us, and We Deserve This Role
Fatherhood, especially during the tween and teen years, is a profound responsibility. But it’s also an incredible privilege. We have the chance to influence our daughters in ways that will shape how they view themselves, their relationships, how they perceive other boys/men, and the world. While mothers certainly offer irreplaceable wisdom during these times, fathers bring something just as crucial: unwavering support, love, and the ability to model healthy, respectful relationships and the ability to play an important role in their lives, all of their lives, not just dipping in and unsubscribing when it seems appropriate.
So, to fellow dads out there—don’t step back. Step up. These are the years that will define (or refine) the bond you have with your daughter for decades to come. Be present, be engaged, and don’t be afraid to tackle the hard conversations. After all, our daughters want us involved—and we owe it to them to be there.
Puberty will last for years. But the impact we have during these early stages will last a lifetime. Oh, and if ever you needed a golden ticket and front row seat into the concert of your daughters life, this “Oh Hello Flo Period Box” is your way in!
A Call to Action for Moms to Encourage Dads to Lean In
To all the incredible mothers reading this: if you’ve found this perspective valuable, please consider sharing it with your partners.
It’s easy for conversations about puberty and body changes to happen behind closed doors, excluding dads from the process. But when you consciously make an effort to include your partners, you’re helping to build a more cohesive family dynamic where everyone contributes to the support and understanding your daughter needs.
Encouraging your husbands to actively participate in these crucial conversations can make all the difference. As much as fathers need to step up, we also rely on you to invite us into these discussions and to make space for our involvement.
At Tweenology, we believe that creating a supportive environment for tweens involves the entire family. By fostering open communication and shared responsibilities, we can make this journey smoother and more meaningful for our daughters. Let’s work together to ensure that every father feels empowered to be a part of this important phase, making the circle of support for our tweens even bigger and stronger.
With love & support,
Herman